It's Time to Fill Your Own Cup
Find your tribe and love them hard.
You can’t pour from an empty cup.
It takes a village.
As moms, we are bombarded with these “mom motto’s” without any guidance as to how to find this so called tribe. 6 months ago, if you had said one of these to me, I would have wanted to punch you in the face. Motherhood was consuming me. I had a 3 year old and an almost 2 year old and I was drowning in stay at home mom life. I was lonely.
I was pouring from a very empty cup.
I had no tribe. My husband and I were our own village. I had mom friends, but none that lived in this immediate area and none who were in the same season of motherhood.
We had moved from Charlotte to Fort Mill a year and a half ago, and making mom friends seemed impossible. I had met many moms at the park, library, museum, etc., but it never evolved to more than small talk and then the super awkward ending where someone leaves and you have to decide how/if to ask for their phone number. Finding mom friends is like dating in college except instead of meeting at parties with people dancing, you have toddlers screaming at you for more snacks. So there I was, in a new town, drowning in stay at home mom life, longing for women to connect with and chat with, to text when my 3 year old won’t nap and I’m losing my mind, when I’m questioning myself, and when I just want to share a hilarious toddler moment. I no longer wanted these things, I needed them. For me, for my husband, and for my kids.
Sound familiar? Fort Mill is such an amazing place to raise kids, yet, it’s so hard to actually find these dozens and dozens of women in the exact same boat as you-also longing for their tribe. 6 months ago, I took a chance on a workout class, and my life had been changed.
6 months ago, I tried a free workout class with Fit4Mom. It was a Stroller Strides class and you could bring your kids with you and they play and snack in the stroller while you work out. Free child care, a workout, and other moms- I was ready to try! I messaged the owner on Facebook and set up my free trial class. My 3 year old baby girl had just started preschool so I had one kid with me, and was nervous and excited. I kept seeing their social media pages constantly talk about this tribe and village and how there is strength in motherhood. I was pretty certain that was all too good to be true. Even if I talked to other moms for one day, my sanity may have been saved for a few weeks. I will never forget the day I tried that free class. I pulled into the parking lot and as I was getting my stroller out of the trunk, 3 moms started talking to me in the most genuine and welcoming way. I was accustomed to the awkward college dating like scenarios, so this was strange to me. I chatted with them as I got my son out of the car and loaded up the stroller. The owner greeted me and was one of the kindest and most welcoming women I had ever met. As I walked toward the class, I saw women talking and laughing as kids played and shared toys and snacks. I tried my best to hide it, but in that moment I cried a little. This was the picture I had in my head of this so called village. An hour later, I was covered in sweat, endorphins soaring, my kid was happy as he was just entertained by singing, dancing, bubbles, and the kind toys and snacks other moms just naturally handed to him when he started to get fussy. I remember the owner coming over to me after class to talk about how I liked it and if I wanted to sign up, and I just handed her my credit card and said “ Sign me up for everything. I need this” ( again, cue some tears).
I was so excited, but still uncertain of what all this group would grow to become for me. That night, I was invited to a play group the next day. I went with both kids and we were a bit of a hot mess that morning. While at the park, I chatted with so many moms who helped swoop up my son as he ran in front of the swings as I rescued my daughter from the top of the climbing gym. It was so natural and effortless for these mamas to help.
Fast forward to now, and these women have become my village. We show up for class, to give ourselves 60 minutes to workout and get we want out of class. Some people just want to move and get blood flowing, some have newborns and are just cleared to workout, some push themselves to the max- and no one cares what level you’re at or how hard you push or how many breaks you take. Most of us are un-showered, have some kind of food or bodily fluid on our outfit, and we are all tired. But we show up. This is so much more than working out, though. This is a chance to connect and cultivate relationships with women who are sharing your struggles and victories. These are the women who will squeal with excitement and hug you when you announce your baby slept through the night. These are the women who will see you walk in the door looking like a train hit you, and immediately offer your kid a toy to give you a second of peace and then ask if you want to go out for coffee/lunch/drinks after class. These women not only offer to help and support and be there, but they show up. They text you after class to check on you if you were super quiet in class that morning. They text you to see if you want them to come over with some wine while you are potty training you toddler. They will watch your kids while you attend a funeral and your husband is out of town. I have never known a group of moms to constantly show up for me and genuinely care about each other so much.
Living in a town with no family anywhere nearby, 2 kids, and a husband that travels is a lot. I was always worried about the “what if’s”. What if I got really sick and my husband was out of town? What if we had an emergency and I truly needed help? Who do I put on my kids’ emergency contact form? I didn’t have an answer to any of these questions until I found Fit4Mom and these amazing women. The worry is still there about all the things that could happen, but I now know that I not only have a friend who I could probably call, but I have a tribe of women who would probably offer to help me out before I could even bring myself to ask. That gratitude, relief, and joy that brings me is immeasurable.
We live in a world where, as moms, there is so much pressure. Being a mom is HARD. It brings more joy, fear, frustration, doubt, love, and exhaustion then we could have ever imagined. We all love our kids more than anything, but we forget to have that same level of love for ourselves. Finding moms who will lift you up when you need it most, who can share your small victories, and who are just there for you, without question, is crucial. If you’re searching for this and you’re at your breaking point, there is village right here in Fort Mill. Take a chance on yourself and start filling up your own cup. You are amazing and deserve to find your tribe.